Spring Forward, In all that we do!

It is that time of year again that the Spring has FINALLY joined us! And all I can say is AMEN!!!!! God is so good and I am so glad he has decided to bless us with the warmer weather, because I don't know how much digit-freezing cold I could take!! I mean I stay cold even during the warmer times of the year, but when its cold all the time, it makes it even harder on me. With all of my joint issues, cold weather is awful on me. Plus all the sickness it brings to all in my household, I am not sad at all to see it go. Except for the memories. For some reason I always feel like its never enough. Like I don't do enough. I don't take enough pictures. I don't buy enough things. I don't buy the right things for me or anyone else. I don't give the right gifts. I don't help enough. I don't do "It" right, ever. "It" changes every second, with every moment, with every person, with every situation. Like I am not doing anything as well as everybody else is doing it. Like I watch everyone else do the things that I wanted but I didn't know how to do it. Why don't I know how to do as well as everyone else does? While do I feel like such a "slacker?" I love my daughter, my husband, my family and my friends more than myself at most times. I just don't know if I show that to them. I get tired of saying it b/c I think I sound like a cd with a scratch on it, playing the song but parts are not getting through like you want. I hear that I am a great mom, great wife, great daughter, sister, Aunt, niece, cousin and friend. But am I really a great one or are I being told that b/c its whats "nice" to say or "right" at the moment. I don't feel like it. Even if I do everything I can or try my hardest, I still don't' feel like its enough. I read posts and blogs and comments from other people about what they do and I wish it was me! "Gosh, I wish I could take great pics like that", or "I wish I was creative enough to make that!" "I wish I was smart enough to do that or smart enough to have thought of that, or creative enough to have thought of doing it that way." Really, when is enough, REALLY enough? Does anyone know? I love my life, and I am blessed beyond measure but I want to know that I am enough for it. Like I am doing IT justice. Does that make sense to anyone else? In 5 weeks and 3 days, I will be the mother of a 1 year old! Can you believe that? I can't. I already miss my baby-baby. I want my daughter to grow, learn, be happy and be the best that she can be. But I also want to stop the clock and just hold her while she sleeps and just stare at her. I love that little girl so much. God gave me the greatest child ever! I know, I know i am a little partial b/c she is mine but I am so so so so so lucky to be her mother. God could have given her to anyone else, and he picked me! That's how lucky I am!!! Sorry to kind of started out with the sad or mind boggling stuff but when you blog, you just type as you think. Well, I will end for now. Gotta wake her up from her nap and start supper for the family! I will write more again soon. We got Cayton's 1st Birthday, My Birthday and My First Mother's Day coming up so I will have a lot to let you in on!!

Making a "Blessing" out of something "Messy"

Well I know that it has been at least 4 months since I have wrote on here and I want to send out apologies to everyone. A new baby takes up most of my time these days so I only get on here when the Princess is sleeping or I have everything done here at the house. So, if you didn't know, our little girl Miss Cayton Mae made her debut on May 23, 2010 at 11:51am. She weighed 7 lbs. and was 20 inches long. She had red hair and a perfectly round little head. The most Amazingly Beautiful Baby ever! ( I'm a little partial) She is now 3.5 months and growing like a weed. We took her for her 2 month check-up and she was growing perfectly! We go on Oct. 1st for her 4 month check-up and shots, which I'm not looking forward to since I have to do this time solo. Every other time she has had a Dr. appt. I had a helper but not this time and I am nervous but it has to be done!
Lately, I have had some "downer" days and I wish I could just not worry about the stupid stuff and just enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I know my husband, my family & my "true" friends love me but only some people really know what you are going through. If you know me, you know I am a worry wort and my mind constantly runs about 300 miles a second. I don't rest or relax when I should and I sometimes break down from being over-loaded. I am so much like my dad, caring what people think of me and of what I have, that I worry all the time. I shouldn't care what people think. I love my life and should be happy with whatever way it is b/c its mine and no one Else's. but I can't. If you didn't know, i lost my job right before Christmas. I was let go/laid off sort of. They pretty much cam in on a Mon. and told me that the next day would be my last b/c they needed me. And that they hired a new girl to start in 2 weeks. I was let go pretty much b/c I was pregnant & I didn't want to go back to full time til after the baby got here but they didn't care. I supposedly worked with a bunch of "Christian" women but it was nothing but a gossip/stab-in-the-back drama filled place. From day one I realized that they talked about each other behind their back & then buddy/buddy to your face. The director was even a pastor's wife and she was the most UN-christian like person i had ever met. I talked to my pastor's wife about it and she was in shock at what I told her. I really only showed up for my student and their parents b/c they were the normal ones there. I mean they treated everyone wrong, 2-faced is what they did. Chew someone out for one thing and they let somebody else get away with it b/c they were buddies. I mean, I was given a Christmas bonus before I left but it was less than what everyone else got. An I had been there for over a year! Longer than some of the others who worked there. This is the first time I have said anything out loud about what happened there, except to my family. I thought I had made a few friends in the end, but when I lost my job I was quickly reminded how little they thought of me or my unborn child. My boss could have possibly put my child's life or mine in jeopardy but that's long story & will fill you in if you ever ask. Some of my parents from there ended up being some of my great friends. I still talk to them today. And I am blessed b/c I have those sweet ladies and their children in my lives! Love you Vanessa, Cassandra, Stacy! & the kids too! all I have to say is i prayed to God to lead me & when i was let go I realized it was a BLESSING! I was told by people before I started that it was a bad place to work & when I left, I had people tell me ( and I finally understood) that it was a good move to leave there. What kind of Christian based facility prides themselves on degrading others? They really need to step back and do some WWJD! That's all I'm saying.
But on to other things. Since I lost my job, I continue to pray for God to lead me and my family in the direction we need to go. I look for a job but have heard nothing & I know God will give me a job when HE thinks I need one. SO, from now on I will enjoy my days with my beautiful daughter & husband. I will be thankful for all the little things I have whether they be less than what someone else has. I will be the friend that I want to have and nothing less! I will continue to praise a Glorious God & never second guess what he has planned for me. I will love my family & my friends with all that I have b/c we are never promised tomorrow. I will do my best to be the best Mommy & Wife to the most precious things I have! I will strive to be as strong of a woman as my Momma & my Gram. I will do what I can, when I can & how I can. And I will (try) to worry less & Love as much as my heart will let me. I hope that if you read this, even though it seems to be a bunch of rambling on this post, you understand a little bit more of me & that in someway I put something positive in your day! I assure you the next post will be a little bit more organized & informative on my Journey as The Farmer's Daughter.

love,
Me

Another Day Closer to D-Day!

So, I just noticed that it has been over a month since I last wrote something. I am terribly sorry to those who actually read this! I know I have one follower,(Thanks to you Kathy Carter), and hopefully more will join in. I think an update on the baby progress is in order. Went last week for my 33 week check-up and had a higher than they like reading on my Bp. Because of this, I had to go back yesterday for a 34 week check-up, and luckily my Bp was down! But since I am already 34 weeks and I have had trouble with my Bp, they want to keep an extra eye on it. So now I am starting to go to the Dr. every week. Ugh Fun! I knew it was coming, but I guess I thought I had a couple more weeks. I mean it does kind of suck to drive all the way there for like a 20-30 min visit and then drive back home every week. I feel bad for people who actually have to do that for medical reasons. It gets tiring, but on the brightside, it means we are closer to our baby girl being here!! Dr. McMichens told me yesterday that I only had 22 more days til she isn't considered premature so that was good news.
Now, I am in the final processes of trying, really trying to get her room in order! I am sure I can hear everyone who reads this saying, "isn't that what she says on every blog?" But I am seriously trying! I mean its hard when you have to stay off your feet most of the day and the only time you have help is when your sister or friend has a babysitter or when your husband is home and he has things he needs and wants to do too. So I feel awful asking him to help me. I know he probably doesn't mind b/c she is his baby too but I just feel guilty asking for help. I just wish I could do it all myself then I wouldn't have to rely on somebody else. i actually did ask my cousin Nikki to help me hang her letters, shelves, and wall hangings. Her room will actually look like a room for a baby once i get those up.
Oh I forgot that we had our second shower sat. from Daniel's side and it went great. Daniel's mom's friends did a great job. Baby Cayton got lots of cute stuff. Just hope i have room for it all! I wish Daniel had came. It would be nice for him to join in on it but I think its a guy thing to think Baby showers are a girls day. I mean, its his baby too, haha. Its just hard at showers b/c all the focus is on you and I HATE that. Every ones eyes on you at all times. I start freaking out! I mean when I got married, I about freaked before every bridal shower! I know, sounds weird! I guess I am.
All in all, it won't be long before I am no longer a an oven for this little girl, but her actually Mommy!! How weird is that? Me a Mom? In 6 weeks or less she shall be here! I am nervous and excited at the same time. Summer is on its way, baby will be here soon, and ball season is around the corner! So much is happening in the next few weeks and I am looking forward to it. i love the fact of being able to sit outside at night and just be. I love going to my Mama's house on Sundays and grilling out with my family, getting together on the weekends with great friends and rushing to get to the ball field during the week. ( which I wont get to play til Fall ball this year, but I do get to watch the boys this summer!) I am extremely blessed in so many ways that i can't even begin to describe. I have also lost some pretty close friends over time and realized that maybe that's the way it supposed to be. I won't dread on it b/c I have so much positive in my life and even more to come!! If you are reading this and you are my friend, I just want to say " THANK YOU" for being my friend and I love you!! Hope you all have a blesses and beautiful day! TTYL!!

One Day at a Time

Another day of snow and another day of wanting it to find its way somewhere else besides here!! So many things could be getting done around this area but b/c of the "Great" cold weather, ( and I meant that sarcastically), it all has taken a back seat to when we will get the decent March weather we so richly deserve. I mean, I like snow during the winter time but March officially opens the doors on Spring and I am so so so ready for Spring and Summer! I can't describe how much i want warm weather.

I hear all the time from my wise now-mother friends, that I will despise the warm weather being pregnant but I am so looking forward to it. I hate cold weather, always have always will! But I deal with it in the hopes of warm weather only being a few months away! But my hopes keep getting broken due with this back-and-forth mush as I call it. No wonder so many people are getting sick! I am ready for capris, tanks and cute dresses! Anyone with me? And I am as equally excited that my little girl will be making her arrival during the warm months so that I can take her outside during her first few months!!

On the baby note, I will be 28 weeks tomorrow! Wow, only like 12 or less weeks to go! It seems like I have a long time but also like it will be here before we know it! One of my good friends Sabrina, will be having her little girl Miss Hadley one week before me and I can't wait! Maybe we will be in the hospital together, then our mutual friends can make one trip and visit us both! haha. It's so nice to have someone going thru the same things as me to talk to! My family is working on my shower details and I am UBERLY excited!! I can't wait! I am blessed to have such great friends and family on both sides and can't wait to see what ideas they have come up with. I am pretty clued in to my side's events, but still out of the loop on the hubby's side so I am anxious to see what they are doing!! We have registered at Babies-r-us and we are in the process of registering at Walmart but they don't have as much so Babies-r-us will be the main one to go to if you want to look. Make sure you spell our name correctly "QUILLIN"! Some people misspell it so I hope that helps. Oh, and I finally got to go to the Dr. for my heart and still have to wait on results. I had the EKG done and the Ultrasound on my heart and the doctor said there was nothing to be concerned about right now. I had to go yesterday and get on the 48 hr. heart monitor though so that's where we are at right now. And I HATE this monitor. Its annoying and somewhat painfully irritating and I can't wait til 10:20 am tomorrow when I can take it off!! I also have to do my Glucose test tomorrow so I am not looking forward to that! Hopefully the stuff I have to drink will not make me sick since I have to watch my nieces afterwards!! Maybe I will pass and never have to do that again, at least not til I have another child! But that's another story for a different time. We have sweet Cayton's crib up and have a few other things in her room. Slowly but surely it is coming together! I am planning on having her room done by the end of the month so that I can enjoy the rest of the pregnancy, showers and time with the people I love the most before my precious makes her debut!! We go on the 12th to have our 4D ultrasound and I hope Miss Cayton cooperates!! I have had numerous dreams that she is a boy so I have halted on getting her bedding washed and out b/c I want to make sure that 'she ' is a girl for sure!! I know people who were told girl and on D-Day they had boys, so I am waiting. Having a hard time but I am waiting!

Well, I think I have said enough today and so I am sure you are tired of reading so I will end for the day. I hope not to make such a gap between blogs again but being a stay-at-home wife and mother to be doesn't leave much room for exciting events ya know!? TTYL

Finally a Friday of Sunshine!

So, FINALLY we have had 2 days of sunshine! Its amazing! I have never wanted to see the sun more in my life I think! I hate being cold and i have absolutely hated this weather so far until yesterday. Due to the long awaited days, I see that there is hope for better days! I am now 26 weeks along now and its getting closer by the second. I have loved being pregnant, it has it ups and downs, but the morning sickness was the worst. But I know it was worth it!! And honestly I would do it again. But if I don't get that opportunity, I know I was blessed to do it the first time!!! Daniel is getting more excited everyday for her arrival! He keeps telling me how when she gets older, all the things they are going to do together. I just hope I don't get jealous! I mean, for the last 7 years almost I have had him to myself, now there will be another girl, a more important girl in his life! I can't blame him for wanting to spend every moment with her because I will probably be the same way. It will all work out I am sure, i am just a worrier, and think WAAAAYYYY to much! On the other hand, we have a name!! Finally! It only took Daniel like months to figure out what he wanted. I finally just had to sit him down and give him 2 options and made him pick one. I was tired of people asking me what "her" name was going to be and not having an answer for them. I mean I would love to and I think I could hold out til she got here to tell her name but I want all those cute monogrammed things and cant get them if people don't know her name!! I am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life that are taking the time to check on me and baby girl and have helped out whenever needed!
I still have so much to do before she arrives here in 13 weeks! Wow, 13?! It will be here before we know it! Her crib shall be here in the next few days! We have her carrier and stroller and almost all her room stuff. I will be painting(or shall I say getting help painting) her shelves. We are registering for our showers this weekend and I plan on getting her letters for her wall on this weekend also. I hope to shampoo her carpet soon too just so that it is done!! I am so excitedly nervous and surprisingly calm at the same time! How weird? I guess its the " Mommy-to-Be" nerves. One of my good friends Sabrina is due one week before me and I have been lucky to have someone going thru the same things with. She is having a little girl also, Miss Hadley Ann Strain, and can't wait for our girls to have play dates. It will be so nice.
At last i want to ask for some prayers for next week please. My littlest niece Reagan is having surgery Monday morning. She will be having her tonsils and adenoids taken out and even tho it is thought of as a simple procedure of only like 30 min, because of her being so small and being a preemie, its still a delicate case. She will for sure have to stay overnight Monday night and if she is keeping down enough liquid and breathing OK, she will get to come home Tuesday! That is what we are praying for! I love that little girl more than myself and I would put myself on that operating table any day so that she would never have to be. I mean, after about 17 times, you get a little use to it. But I know I cant do it for her but I will be there in the waiting room praying and sending my love to her! Please just add her name in your prayer on Monday if you don't mind. And add my sister. because she will be a nervous & stressed wreck then and will need all the help she can get!
Oh, and please say a little one for me on Tuesday. I have to see a Cardiologist about my Tachycardia issues. I'm sure its just a precaution thing but I am still a little nervous! Well I guess I will ttyl!!

Today is one for the memory books!

Today I have done a bunch of nothing. Felt pretty worthless until I received a phone call from my sister this morning. As I was engulfed at the fact that our main conversation piece was about a "Buy one Get One Free deal at Publix, I could hear my oldest niece in the background harassing my sister as she often does when her daily plans have been changed. See she gets that from me. I get a mind set in my head of how things are going to go and when they change, it takes me some time to re-adjust. After listening to her give my sister a hard time, I requested to speak with her b/c back talking a parent is something I just CAN NOT stand!! Which is weird b/c my mother tells me all the time of how when I was smaller, I was a master of it! lol. Before I could even get the words of "stop talking to your mother like that", she was already asking me if she could come to my house! This something that hasn't happened in a while. In the time before the 2nd niece Reagan made her arrival back in 2008, Riley wanted to go everywhere with me. Then all of the sudden she decided she would rather stay home. I got use to it and lately since she has wanted to come over here with me or want me to come over, has been something to adjust to. I mean , don't get me wrong, I love my nieces more than myself but its still something to get use to. So, out of pure love for the girls and my sister, I offered to come get them both and bring them to my house and play. This way my sister can get some needed rest since she is under the weather, and I get quality time with the princesses! I know that in just a few months, less than four actually, I will be having my own little princess here and it may be a little harder to find time or energy to do these kind of things with the girls! Riley will be 5 years old this July and it seems like only yesterday that I was standing the hospital room watching her come into this world!! Now this fall she will be starting school! Makes me cry every time I think about it! And Miss Reagan will be turning 2 in just a couple of days! That little miracle baby almost didn't happen and I thank God everyday for her and the fact that my sister is still here and able to watch her first niece get ready to enter the world! I don't know what I would have done if I had lost either one of them! Well, enough on that. I am usually not a mushy person but I guess the trials of pregnancy are starting to take their sweet toll on me now! ha ha. Its amazing what life throws your way and the people God puts in or takes out of your life also. Will I hope you enjoyed my blog today even tho it wasn't too eventful. Just wait, I have those days coming and I will share them with y'all!! Hope you all have a great day and I will TTYL!!

Snow Day in the South

Well, as most of you around this part can see, we are having the worst winter weather since the year has started. But, technically we have only been in 2010 for 29 days so we still have more chances of crappy dribble in the next month or so to come. Great! ( that was sarcasm if you couldn't tell). I went to the grocery store this morning in opts of getting everything I needed that I couldn't get at Sam's. I have been watching the "wonderful" meteorologists all week in preparation for my shopping trip. i wanted to plan to where I got everything in a timely manor, save the money i could with store savings and coupons, then I would be set to sit in the house all weekend and enjoy being lazy and warm. THANKS, Mr. Wrong meteorologists who told me it would not hit here for hours and as i was pulling out of my driveway, the bottom-less sleet decided to shine its awful head on the Toney area. At least I had everything in order of a list and all my coupons out! I get to the store and find out there are others there with the same mentality as I had and were very upset at the outcome! I rush to get out the store and the snow fall begins. Probably the biggest snowflakes I have ever seen!! Amazing what God's wonderful hand can create. If I was a kid, I would have been giddy. But as an adult who had to drive the 30 mph. home in it, I was not as pleased. I safely made it home but then had to unload all of my stuff in this freezing beauty! UGH!! Oh well, that's life. I did do great at the store. Saved around $35.00 so i think I did pretty well. Now I am just sitting here watching t.v. and hoping that everyone I know is being careful out there on the roads! My husband is one of them and i worry constantly about him anyways so now I have almost broke all of my nails off in concern for his safety. He is one of the best drivers i know but there are so many bad drivers out there that it terrifies me! Please keep everyone in your prayers today!! I am blessed he is out there risking it for his job that provides for us and our unborn little one!! I will feel a little better around 5 when should be getting home. ( Hopefully maybe earlier) Well, I guess I will get off here and finish watching "You've Got Mail", which happens to be a movie that I seem to watch over and over again. I think I have seen it a million times!! I send safety and love out there to all of you!! TTYL!!